The Internet has sort of become the new ‘if the tree falls in the woods does it make a sound if there’s no one around to hear it.’ If it doesn’t pop up on Google, does it exist? Did it happen at all? Are the adverts right? Should I message hot girls in Hamilton? Did Alec Baldwin really buy Massapequa’s Bookmobile?
Apparently it’s a thing, buying bookmobiles. It would make for a lovely new celebrity trend, far more life affirming that kabbalah or rehab. I would definitely like Lena Dunham to pick one up with all the dollars she must be raking in from her new TV show Girls. I have a good idea what she’d be supplying too. She just has a lot of good ideas. You can totally tell why she’s so successful. Maybe I need to read more celebrity autobiographies? Thinking about it, a lot of good things did happen to me after I finished Snooki’s. I am a hot ass bitch. Oh and Bill Murray, if you’re reading this, which you probably definitely are, Lena's right - please please please write a memoir. Or at the very least supply us with a blog. It’s basically selfish that you aren’t already.
If Lena Dunham had grown up in an all girls English boarding school, where Sex & The City and Neighbours were banned for being too provocative, her new series might be a little more like this. I was pretty late to jump on the Ian McEwan bandwagon, mostly because I’m deeply resentful of rich, successful writers who manage to get great movies out of their lonely toil. But now I’m all up in his brooding grill and loving it.
Turns out no one is above the pitfalls of email construction, that’s just one of the world’s new truths. There isn’t a fine enough line between business and play anymore; all corporates are just emoticon-fucking each other and we all expend masses of energy trying to look like we don’t care about how many likes our status updates get. It’s now a very obvious that all online communication is just a way to feel less lonely without having to get dressed or make plans. Sadly it’s also stopping important decisions from being made. PICK ONE GUISE SRSLY LOL.
This just appeals to what I love most about humanity: efficient fact stating. I know that world is going to plan when there is still a coveted fact-checking department to be found, and better still, caring folk who still take time to point out crucial misdemeanours. Thanks guys! I won’t be inviting you to any dinner parties though, you’d screw up all my best stories. Sad for you because I have dinner parties all the time. I’m having one right now. Hi Bill! Hi Hunter S! Speaking of pedantry, while I was playing around on The Awl as one does on a sunny Tuesday, I also found this article born out of decent, sturdy facts around living costs set to a very curious context.
Grimes is coming to my dinner party too. She’s a bit late though, just always busy being awesome and a bit adorable, bet she loves the crap out of books: hi Grimes! Take a seat. Sure, on the floor if you'd prefer.