Happy hump day everyone! You've nearly cleared the week, sliding on down to Friday. I googled Japanese camel and unsurprisingly, this came up. I hope you appreciate all the humiliating things that pop up on my computer screen at work. I do it especially for you!
A few weeks ago I covered the copious amounts of cute shit in Japan. This week I felt it was only fitting to explore some of the weird shit. Let's begin with air conditioned shoes. Look at this guy. Doesn't he look happy? He's living easy breezy with his ventilation friendly lace-ups. No embarrassing foot odor or Gran's Remedy for him. He's got things covered!
Nail art: some of the nail art around Tokyo is pretty crazy, especially the bad boys below - I have so many questions. How do you eat? How do you use toilet paper? How do insert a tampon without a whole lot of rhinestones getting lodged up there? These are valid questions that I hope someone can answer.
Hello Kitty contacts: if you should ever bump into crazy Kitty Chan fan don't let her see your fear. Back away slowly while maintaining eye contact.
Terrifying replica mask which serves no apparent purpose: for a cool $4000NZD you can terrify loved ones and highlight how narcissistic you truly are with your very own mask of... you. Throw in an extra $2000NZD in and a full mannequin of your head is all yours to display proudly in your home. An excellent way to freak out past or present lovers and make everyone question why they are friends with you. Money well spent.
Hello Kitty Darth Vader: there are no words...
Mum milk: mmm, luxury milk, straight from the human cow. You can casually swig this from the cartoon, scare co-workers and try desperately to relive your days as a baby. If you have any uncertainties about whether it really is breast milk, you can refer to the baby-suckling-on-teet pictured on the front of the carton.
'Man' machine: this one's for the fellas. There's nothing like the vigorous yet soothing touch of a perfectly manicured robotic hand. I'm guessing I don't really have to explain how this works. At $660NZ it may be a case of want vs. need. Just pray your flatmates don't find it hidden under your bed, it could be awkward when they discover they're living with a sex freak.
Vending machines: with the highest number of vending machines per capita in the world, there is one machine for every 23 people in Japan. You'll find them everywhere you go, selling a variety of things. There's your standard drink machine if you're feeling unadventurous. Alternatively you could buy food, or perhaps a bunch of flowers, or some fresh eggs and vegetables. On the outskirts of my town behind many large shrubs and a small shed there is a dirty panty vending machine. Sometimes you'll see a car parked randomly on the side of the desolated farm road, and a man running awkwardly across a field in search of some nasty underpants.
Cat translator: have you ever felt like you were talking to your cat through purrs, meows and knowing looks? You weren't. The good news is that now you can! Praise bejeebus, a cat translator has been invented. Now your cat can tell you how they really feel about you television choices, what you serve for dinner and your wardrobe sensibilities.
The cat's all 'say what?!'
'Roger that.'
So there you have it, some weird Japanese things to get you through your Wednesday. Happy humpity hump hump hump!
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